So today I count down the final minutes of my 20s. I thought I'd be freaked out. I was more freaked out about turning 25 than I am about turning 30...though when my dad pointed out that I was just 5 times the 5 year old I was 20 years ago...that made me happy. I can't help but look back on my life, my 20s in particular, on my last day of those 20s. They were pretty damn good to me. Granted I went through some of the worst crap of my life...the point is I got through it, right? And I had some of the best things happen as well. Watching some people I love dearly become moms and dads, moving to a couple cities that taught me so much and changed my life more than I think I even realize right now, growing to understand how damn lucky I am with the family I got, throwing out everything I'd planned for 15 years for a brand new adventure, and having that actually succeed. My 20s were so full. I find it hard to believe it only started 10 years ago. It feels like it's been my whole life. Am I just getting that old that being a kid and a teenager have become such distant memories!??
I think my 30s are going to be really wonderful. I can understand now why everyone says it's such a great decade. I've learned SO much in 30 years, I feel like I can actually understand the world enough to find my place in it now. And I understand myself enough to know how I can effect the world and how I need it to effect me. I get to stand up in front of my friends and family and marry a man who I can hold hands with while we fight...who makes me laugh so deeply, I can let it all go...who tries to learn to play on guitar every new song I mention that I like...who kisses and hugs me everyday before he goes to work because he knows I'm always afraid something might happen. I'm also hoping to find a job where I can really blossom. I've had so many different experiences over the past 10 years...I think it's time to really apply it and find something I really love and where they love me. I had a great conversation with my brother yesterday about how the workplace is shifting...all those years of people telling me I wasn't professional enough b/c I still maintained a human side to me (IE if a "work friend" asked me how I felt and I felt like crap...I'd say I felt like crap...how could I do such a thing??) I don't want to work somewhere that they expect me to be a robot. Don't get me wrong...I know there's a time and a place...but a co-worker who you think is a friend...you can't say "I feel like crap" to??? Come on! Ugh. Don't get me started on the pitiful workplaces I've been in over the last decade! Thank God I was my own boss for half of it. Never a better experience than that one!!! We'll see what happens this decade...I still don't even know what I'm going to do for work...will probably end up back in school...but at least now I know what I need out of it and I know better what I can give. I've still got so much to learn...so much work to do to better balance things, etc...but...well...30 is good.
