(disclaimer...not particularly worth reading, except maybe the quotes in the middle so just skim down...)
Relationships are hard. And unfortunately I'm stuck with the best boyfriend on earth...so I know the hard part is me. When I was still in NYC and all twitterpated and imagining what the relationship would be like...I was so excited about just being with him that I failed to prepare myself for actually having to share. I've lived alone for pretty much the past 7 years. I only had one boyfriend for about 4 months since around that time too. Which means I've been telling myself for 7 years that I was better off without boys and that life was so much easier and...well...you know the single girl mantra. And to be honest, it's pretty much true. It might be a bit lonely once in a while but it's sure as shizzle easier. I got pretty good at making myself happy. Never got into arguments with myself over dishes or paint. Ok so that's not completely true...but those arguments went a LOT easier. Anyway, my point is, I suck at this. And Dan is increasingly wonderful. Sure he pisses me of (regularly) with stupid little things...but, again, that's probably more me than him. When did I become such an angry person?? That's so depressing! Oh great, so now I'm angry and depressed. Good going, Self!
"I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year-old again. I want to go to McDonald's and think that it's a four star restaurant. I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make a sidewalk with rocks. I want to think M&Ms are better than money because you can eat them. I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer's day. I want to return to a time when life was simple; when all you knew were colors multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes, but that didn't bother you, because you didn't know what you didn't know and didn't care. All you know was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware of all the things that should make you worried or upset. I want to think the world is fair. That everyone is honest and good. I want to believe that anything is possible. I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things again. I want to live simple again. I don't want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip illness, and loss of loved ones. I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind, and making angels in the snow. So...here's my checkbook and my car keys, my credit card bills and my 401k statements. I am officially resigning from adulthood. And if you want to discuss this further, you'll have to catch me first, cause...Tag! You're it!" My dad gave me that a few years ago. It's been on my fridge ever since. Along with the following from Grams (a shortened version):
"I Am Thankful For:
For the taxes that I pay, because that means I am employed.
For the mess to clean after a big get-together because that means I have been surrounded by family and friends.
For the clothes that fit a little too snug because it means I have enough to eat.
For the lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning, and gutters that need fixing because it means I have a home.
For the complaining I hear about the government because it means that we have freedom of speech.
For the parking spot I find at the far end of the parking lot because it means I am capable of walking and that I have transportation.
For my huge heating bill because it means I am warm.
For the pile of (Dan's) laundry...because it means I have clothes to wear (and a partner I love enough to do laundry for).
For the weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day because it means I have been capable of working hard.
For the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours because it means that I am alive."
And here's one I've always tried to tell myself: For the emotions I feel because it means I have a big heart with a lot of caring for the people and goings-on around me.
Why do I always blog the personal crap I'm supposed to be telling myself? Over the weekend a friend of mine wrote a brave blog telling about a bad event that occurred years ago. My comment to her included: "Why are we all afraid to share our stories? We'd be a lot less afraid if we realized that we've all been dealt a pretty nasty hand a few times in life...regardless of how we've played our cards." Granted my pitiful relationships-are-hard-when-I'm-in-them problem isn't nearly as life altering as her event was...but I guess I just needed to fold this hand. And sulk.
Have a nice day. Hug someone you love. Not someone random on the street.
PS I know I owe pics of the house but my (annoying) boyfriend wants me to wait for him to paint with me so we can bond over the fumes (he's disgustingly sweet) and I'm not posting pics until it actually looks half decent! He's off of work all next week so I promise it'll happen then!
