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(disclaimer...not particularly worth reading, except maybe the quotes in the middle so just skim down...)
Relationships are hard. And unfortunately I'm stuck with the best boyfriend on earth...so I know the hard part is me. When I was still in NYC and all twitterpated and imagining what the relationship would be like...I was so excited about just being with him that I failed to prepare myself for actually having to share. I've lived alone for pretty much the past 7 years. I only had one boyfriend for about 4 months since around that time too. Which means I've been telling myself for 7 years that I was better off without boys and that life was so much easier and...well...you know the single girl mantra. And to be honest, it's pretty much true. It might be a bit lonely once in a while but it's sure as shizzle easier. I got pretty good at making myself happy. Never got into arguments with myself over dishes or paint. Ok so that's not completely true...but those arguments went a LOT easier. Anyway, my point is, I suck at this. And Dan is increasingly wonderful. Sure he pisses me of (regularly) with stupid little things...but, again, that's probably more me than him. When did I become such an angry person?? That's so depressing! Oh great, so now I'm angry and depressed. Good going, Self!

"I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year-old again. I want to go to McDonald's and think that it's a four star restaurant. I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make a sidewalk with rocks. I want to think M&Ms are better than money because you can eat them. I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer's day. I want to return to a time when life was simple; when all you knew were colors multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes, but that didn't bother you, because you didn't know what you didn't know and didn't care. All you know was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware of all the things that should make you worried or upset. I want to think the world is fair. That everyone is honest and good. I want to believe that anything is possible. I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things again. I want to live simple again. I don't want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip illness, and loss of loved ones. I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind, and making angels in the snow. So...here's my checkbook and my car keys, my credit card bills and my 401k statements. I am officially resigning from adulthood. And if you want to discuss this further, you'll have to catch me first, cause...Tag! You're it!" My dad gave me that a few years ago. It's been on my fridge ever since. Along with the following from Grams (a shortened version):
"I Am Thankful For:
For the taxes that I pay, because that means I am employed.
For the mess to clean after a big get-together because that means I have been surrounded by family and friends.
For the clothes that fit a little too snug because it means I have enough to eat.
For the lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning, and gutters that need fixing because it means I have a home.
For the complaining I hear about the government because it means that we have freedom of speech.
For the parking spot I find at the far end of the parking lot because it means I am capable of walking and that I have transportation.
For my huge heating bill because it means I am warm.
For the pile of (Dan's) laundry...because it means I have clothes to wear (and a partner I love enough to do laundry for).
For the weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day because it means I have been capable of working hard.
For the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours because it means that I am alive."
And here's one I've always tried to tell myself: For the emotions I feel because it means I have a big heart with a lot of caring for the people and goings-on around me.

Why do I always blog the personal crap I'm supposed to be telling myself? Over the weekend a friend of mine wrote a brave blog telling about a bad event that occurred years ago. My comment to her included: "Why are we all afraid to share our stories? We'd be a lot less afraid if we realized that we've all been dealt a pretty nasty hand a few times in life...regardless of how we've played our cards." Granted my pitiful relationships-are-hard-when-I'm-in-them problem isn't nearly as life altering as her event was...but I guess I just needed to fold this hand. And sulk.

Have a nice day. Hug someone you love. Not someone random on the street.

PS I know I owe pics of the house but my (annoying) boyfriend wants me to wait for him to paint with me so we can bond over the fumes (he's disgustingly sweet) and I'm not posting pics until it actually looks half decent! He's off of work all next week so I promise it'll happen then!

such is life

The past year has been really...full. It has shown me some of the brightest highlights of life (falling in love, the birth of my brother's best friend's daughter a year ago tomorrow, the togetherness of family, exploring a little more of the world...) and some of the darkest shadows (losing Saba a year ago Saturday, seeing more examples of how low people will go, the headaches of selling real estate, losing Cassidy yesterday, insurance companies, other unmentionables...) I suppose I should have learned a thing or two but right now I just feel spent. I just want to say, with all the ups and downs, I am grateful for the people in my life. I'm grateful to my friends for being there through the rollercoaster that's been my life lately... I'm grateful I found my oldest friend in the world, Zara...and grateful she said I'm still the same-old-Carley. Sometimes I think I lost myself along the way. I'm grateful for my family, near and far, who have been so supportive of everything I've done recently...I'm glad even with the ups and downs, particularly the loss of Saba, that we were able to all come together and channel the pain from life into love for one another. I'm grateful to Dan for holding me when I'm sad or scared...and not running when I get scary...and loving and laughing like it'll never end. Mostly I'm grateful to have the parents that I was given. Not too many people know what those two have been through to help me out this year. As tough as it's been for me, it's been at least as tough for them b/c they have had to pick me up when I've fallen. Sure, we've had our differences of opinion (to say the least) but at the end of the day, I know exactly what family and love mean in their most perfectly imperfect forms because of those two people. And that brother of mine ain't so bad either, lawyerly multiple double negatives and all. Thank you all for being a part of my life. Just know that I'm here for you, too.

a perfect day...

Today started out with the two of us taking Roxy to the vet...Roxy is Dan's Staffy x Ridgeback mix (see pic). Then we gave her a bath which turned out much better than we thought it was considering how little Roxy is inclined toward water. Then we got ourselves organized for a picnic at King's Park, overlooking downtown Perth. I'll let the videos and pics tell you the rest. ;-) Oh and the crows down here speak with an accent too so I felt the need to share that with you...everytime I tried to immitate them I just got crooked looks! Oh and regarding the last video...I decided not to edit it even though I was goofing around and planning to edit it when I was saying the stuff in the beginning...but I find myself far too amusing to cut it short. Muahahaha.

Day of kingS

Here's a link to the DoK myspace page...their website isn't up yet. I've gotta say, their recordings DO NOT do justice...their live stuff kicks ass and as soon as they can afford some real studio time, they can show you. Or you'll just have to come visit and see for yourself! Oh and "Feel Low" was written and sung by my sweet man. =)

http://www.myspace.com/dayofkings

And so it begins....

Well...it started over a week ago already but I blame jet lag and other such reliable excuses for my slackassedness. Forgive me? Thank you. =) So here I am. Down under. Oz. Really farking far away. It's been a little bit crazy...a bit more drama than a girl would hope for but all in all it's been pretty great. It's so good to be with Dan. Definitely worth it in that respect. We are just good together. I miss home. I miss my family and friends. But I know where he and I want to end up and I have faith that things will turn out well in the long run b/c I've made this move.

So, the day after I arrived (Thursday, Oct. 25th) was Dan's bday. I'd spoken to his band's singer, a few weeks back and asked him to help me plan something for Dan's bday since I wouldn't be there to put it together myself. We wound up with all the band mates and their girlfriends and Dan's parents at this great little Mexican place. It was nice to get to hang out with everyone in a quieter setting. The next night, we went over to Dan's brother's house for dinner. It was nice to see him and his wife and their little cutie, Siena, who I think is about 15 months old. She's one of those kids who isn't particularly social but once she lets you in, she's super fun. She always starts a little slow with me but warms up pretty quickly...especially if I eat her belly. What is it about kids...if you act like you're going to eat them, they're more likely to like you?! Anyway...Saturday was the big day...Dan's band, Day of kingS was performing for Stacey's 30th bday. Stacey is Skye's girlfriend, Skye is the guitarist. Stacey is pretty much an honorary member of the band...she's been with them forever and does just about as much as the boys to keep the dang thing going. So it was pretty fitting that they'd perform for her birthday. So it was at the Indi bar, at this little hotel down in the Scarborough Beach area. Several of us got rooms at the hotel. So we had a big dinner then the show...for the last song Stacey came up on stage to bang on the drums with the boys. I shot the whole thing which was lots of fun. Still so much fun to have a camera in my hands. =) So at the end Skye brought Stacey back up on stage to embarrass her and get everyone to sing "Happy Birthday" to her. Then he dropped to one knee and proposed. It was great to see. They've been together I think for 3 years...they're a great couple. I got photos of it but the photos suck b/c I'd burned all my batteries on the gig and didn't have any warning that the proposal was going to happen. I also didn't switch my settings so I shot the proposal with a super slow shutter. Ugh. Oh well. Maybe next time someone will warn me! Although...as soon as he asked me to bring my camera I knew why. I just don't ever trust my gut. ARGH. Anyway, here's some pics of the gig, the proposal, the party crew...oh yeah, Stacey has a penguin obsession so when we stumbled upon a stuffed penguin who sang "go shorty, it's your birthday, we're gonna party like it's your birthday..." we had to get it, so there's a video of us giving it to her and a pic that I had to add b/c I made the little "30" pendant he's wearing...I am quite proud!


Other than all that jazz, I've just been catching up on sleep and just kinda renewing the spirit...next week I start the serious job hunt, etc. I wanted to give myself a week to relax and reCarleyfy. So, I guess I'm not on vacation anymore. Bahumbug. So hopefully my next post will be all about my fantastic new job and my fantastic new legal immigrant status! Oh yeah and we move into our new house in 3 weeks so lots more pics will come then...I'm not terribly at home at his folks' house so...you know... But when we're in our own pad...WOOHOO!!!! Love you. Be good.